“I always thought I was too much, but your box was just too small.” -My Heart.

So here’s to taking a short interval in the writing of the Superhero Chronicles to share my heart… I’ve got my coffee, let’s get real.

I have always been a hugely passionate person. Regardless what it was if I was all in consider it done because I would stop at nothing short of achieving my goal. When I was little it was gathering together friends on the neighborhood street to do backstreet boy concerts in my parents garage, going through grade school I continually made honor roll, then there was getting together seniors to plan our graduation. Paying my way through school, consistently on the dean’s list, then living on my own, working my way up the corporate ladder, and graduating with almost zero debt. So on and so on……

Life has been a world of achievements but if you knew my heart you would know that the greatest achievement hasn’t been any of the above. Because if life has taught me one thing its that the beauty of the heart can’t be written. It’s not about how good we look on paper. And it’s not about the resume we write with our accomplishments.

The beauty of the heart can’t be written.

My greatest achievement has been beginning to live life with 110% of my heart.

Because the truth is accomplishments wouldn’t show you the opposition that I let consume me. My resume wouldn’t show you that most of what I achieved I did while only letting part of my heart into the game.

My achievements, my resume, degrees….do nothing to tell you the story of my heart. And that’s really the only thing that matters. Ironic, huh? The most important part of the puzzle in this picture of life is the one we spend the least amount of time talking about. 

All my accomplishments could’t tell you of the countless nights my heart wondered if it could ever be whole and not be too much. They couldn’t tell you almost every relationship I’ve ever been in has held me back.  They couldn’t tell you of the passion inside me that sought thrills because I couldn’t find true release.  They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve sought adventure because I couldn’t find fulfillment in friendships. They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve been told I was too intense. They couldn’t tell you of the relationships I tried to make work without realizing that I couldn’t ever be wholly me. They couldn’t tell you that I climbed the corporate ladder multiple times because I wanted to find a way to release the drive inside of me….there’s just so much that my accomplishments couldn’t tell you…

You wouldn’t know on paper that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life settling. 

Yep. I’ve settled. I settled for living as less then who I am. All the passion. All the drive. All the intensity. And I’ve still settled. I’ve let life tell me that there was too much inside me and that in order to retain friendships I had to hide some of the intensity, I had to hide a lot of me.

The reality is I never wanted my life to be enough, I always wanted to break walls, push boundaries and test limits. I’ve done this in every area of my life except my heart.

I’ve let my heart be just enough when everything inside me craves limitless. 

So this is a post on my heart and the simple realization that I can’t. Can’t isn’t a word I use often but I can’t.

I can’t continue to be just enough.

No. I will be more. I will break walls. I will test limits. I will build. I will do. I will live. I IMG_0178will love fiercely. I will encourage you so much it’ll scare you how much I believe in you. I will fight for you. I will defend you. I will show you what you’re worth when you can’t see it. I will be unbearably happy. I will level up. I will spend my days loving, living and fighting with more passion then most.

I will be more then enough, I will be too much and I will be wholly me. Because my heart craves 110% and I’ve settled for 7 years too many.

 

 

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