Tag Archives: Battle

The war of destiny…..am I fighting the right battle?

Somewhere, right now someone is waiting for more. And they know it. They can feel it. And even though its yet to be seen they know its real……somewhere it exists. Somewhere what they ache for can be found.

Some people believe destiny is what happens to you, I believe your destiny is something you have to fight for. You were given a mind for a reason, you were given a heart with desires because you have a purpose, you were given freewill because your life is yours to live as you choose. But here’s the catch….how badly do you want this right? How much are you willing to fight for the life you picture? How much does legacy matter? How much do you value impact?

Not everyone is for you. Some are waiting for you to fail. Some are fighting against your greatness. To them…..You are brilliant, or they wouldn’t try so hard to keep you from being YOU. So you better know you really want what you’re fighting for. It will cost you something and in order to win you have to want your destiny more then they want to keep you from it.

Yes, I realize what I just said could sound cynical, and negative, but this isn’t about the resistance to you, this is about realizing something inside you is so brilliant, so beautiful it threatens something. Something that feels small when it compares itself to you. It’s the very force that tries to keep you from you. Why? Because you are worth discovering. You have things you see that are powerful and stunning. You embody the essence of creation. You are to be feared by everything not of him.

I say all this because too often I see heroes back down, or fight aimless battles. I see valiant men run, and beautiful ladies hide…..and all for valid reasons. Sometimes life hurts, the pain is more real then breathing and your heart feels like its going to bleed right out of your chest. Something inside you calls for justice, and nothing around you makes sense. Life sucks, you hurt….and yet you tried to do all the right things. So you run, you hide, or you continue to fight whatever is in the way because maybe in someway you will bring justice, if not in reality…..at least to your heart.

More honestly, I say this because this has been me. To be real, I seemed to be the shit magnet. If it could go wrong, it did. I was doing everything right, and everything good….and shit…shit….and more SHIT. I legitimately started to wonder if I was cursed, I figured by laws of statistics alone I should’ve won more battles then I did. Especially giving 110% and all that jazz. But I am that person who would fight and fight and fight………and then stop the bleeding and fight again.  Bruised, broken, wounded….if I’m breathing, I’ll fight. But then I started to realize something…..

I was miserable AND in mess after mess. Sounds obvious, but really this was a revelation. I HATED LIFE.

That’s when I started to get it….when I was MISERABLE. It wasn’t the battling that bothered me it was that I hated life.  It was that I couldn’t find a reason to continue to pour in passionately to this war I was in, and that’s what I hated more then anything. Sleeping became easier then being awake, I was exhausted all the time, I was Type A as heck, I was super emotional but most people wouldn’t know because I was too tired to cry anyways, everyone annoyed me, and I wanted to sound genuine but was too exhausted and hopeless to really play it off well, so I constantly walked around with “F%*K OFF” written across my forehead (literally that is how it was best described to me).

It took me being miserable to realize...I wasn’t battling for me, I was just making life a giant battle.

I’m so intensely passionate but everything that started to let me be me was shut down so I would fight whatever came at me.  I was angry. I want hurt. And I was annoyed as heck! It wasn’t until I finally stopped fighting long enough to look around, I realized I didn’t WANT what I was fighting for.

Here’s the interesting thing about passion it can be what brings you to your destiny or what causes you to die short of it. Passionate people are like humans on 24/7 crack….we have no idea what quitting looks like, everything is close to heart, and there’s no concept of what a limit is because unless we are dead there’s more ground to conquer.

It took me realizing I didn’t WANT the life I was living to recognize I wasn’t fighting for me anymore. And if I wasn’t fighting for what I wanted and what I loved, then I wasn’t fighting for my destiny either. I was literally just fighting. Bleeding for fun, if you may.

I refuse to live my life in an aimless fight and not be happy.

So I will change it. And my life will look different. Because it’s what I want. I don’t need the battle to stop. I know what’s inside of me terrifies things in the world, and I see battles as inevitable. I also know some people will probably hate me for living so fully or being bold, or laughing too much, or speaking my mind or breathing for that matter. I needed to remember why I love to fight, I needed to have a reason to pour all of me in at 110%. I needed the fighting to be about my destiny. I needed to fight for ME.

I will take risks. I will move. I will be bold. But everyday will be spent being more me, and that’s what makes destiny worth it. I’m brilliant enough to threaten everything that comes against me. My destiny is a war with my name on it. I got no time for pointless battles……

So I’m asking you, are you happy? Are you fighting a battle that brings you closer to your destiny or farther away? You’re brilliant and well worth the victory of finding your destiny….it’s written in your passions. So let me ask this, are you doing what you love?

If not, what are you waiting for? Destiny is as far away as you make it, or as close as you want it.