Tag Archives: learning

“I always thought I was too much, but your box was just too small.” -My Heart.

So here’s to taking a short interval in the writing of the Superhero Chronicles to share my heart… I’ve got my coffee, let’s get real.

I have always been a hugely passionate person. Regardless what it was if I was all in consider it done because I would stop at nothing short of achieving my goal. When I was little it was gathering together friends on the neighborhood street to do backstreet boy concerts in my parents garage, going through grade school I continually made honor roll, then there was getting together seniors to plan our graduation. Paying my way through school, consistently on the dean’s list, then living on my own, working my way up the corporate ladder, and graduating with almost zero debt. So on and so on……

Life has been a world of achievements but if you knew my heart you would know that the greatest achievement hasn’t been any of the above. Because if life has taught me one thing its that the beauty of the heart can’t be written. It’s not about how good we look on paper. And it’s not about the resume we write with our accomplishments.

The beauty of the heart can’t be written.

My greatest achievement has been beginning to live life with 110% of my heart.

Because the truth is accomplishments wouldn’t show you the opposition that I let consume me. My resume wouldn’t show you that most of what I achieved I did while only letting part of my heart into the game.

My achievements, my resume, degrees….do nothing to tell you the story of my heart. And that’s really the only thing that matters. Ironic, huh? The most important part of the puzzle in this picture of life is the one we spend the least amount of time talking about. 

All my accomplishments could’t tell you of the countless nights my heart wondered if it could ever be whole and not be too much. They couldn’t tell you almost every relationship I’ve ever been in has held me back.  They couldn’t tell you of the passion inside me that sought thrills because I couldn’t find true release.  They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve sought adventure because I couldn’t find fulfillment in friendships. They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve been told I was too intense. They couldn’t tell you of the relationships I tried to make work without realizing that I couldn’t ever be wholly me. They couldn’t tell you that I climbed the corporate ladder multiple times because I wanted to find a way to release the drive inside of me….there’s just so much that my accomplishments couldn’t tell you…

You wouldn’t know on paper that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life settling. 

Yep. I’ve settled. I settled for living as less then who I am. All the passion. All the drive. All the intensity. And I’ve still settled. I’ve let life tell me that there was too much inside me and that in order to retain friendships I had to hide some of the intensity, I had to hide a lot of me.

The reality is I never wanted my life to be enough, I always wanted to break walls, push boundaries and test limits. I’ve done this in every area of my life except my heart.

I’ve let my heart be just enough when everything inside me craves limitless. 

So this is a post on my heart and the simple realization that I can’t. Can’t isn’t a word I use often but I can’t.

I can’t continue to be just enough.

No. I will be more. I will break walls. I will test limits. I will build. I will do. I will live. I IMG_0178will love fiercely. I will encourage you so much it’ll scare you how much I believe in you. I will fight for you. I will defend you. I will show you what you’re worth when you can’t see it. I will be unbearably happy. I will level up. I will spend my days loving, living and fighting with more passion then most.

I will be more then enough, I will be too much and I will be wholly me. Because my heart craves 110% and I’ve settled for 7 years too many.

 

 

Step 4: Heroes don’t “half-ass” it.

“It’s not who we are underneath, it’s what we do that defines us.” -Batman

Alright so let this post come with fair warning that it’s not cozy, coated in candy or seasoned with a massive amount of the “We’re all winners” mentality. So get ready because this post is pretty dang true to me and very close to my heart…

I’d love to think people have good intentions….I’d love to believe that every co-worker I work with truly wants to support each other, I’d love to believe that people want to be more encouraging and less jerk-ish, I would love to believe that we all want to make the world a better place just by being in it….but intentions don’t matter until they are supported by actions.

When it comes to impact, it really makes no difference what we intend to do. There are so many people who intend to change the world, do something big, create something to help thousands, build a massive empire to solve world hunger…..You name it and someone has dreamed it.

But I can promise you not everyone has done it.

Dreaming is one thing, and its very powerful. But dreams and thoughts that never turn into action are just really good feelings. At some point you have to draw the line between what someone intended to do or thought about doing and what they actually accomplished. This sounds cold, I know it does. And I really did try to think of a better way to say it but I just can’t, because the truth is that this is too important to candy coat.

We live in a world that’s taught us that we can become whatever we desire, that all we need is to dream it. They are wrong. If we truly want to make an impact we need to become the doers. We can read a million books on how to change the world but none of them will matter until we decide it’s worth it enough to make it an action. I could write a million posts on impact but without action they are just some super motivational words. You could watch a million talks on leadership but if you don’t want to change, if you don’t want to become the person it takes…..why bother?

Dream it, but then DO IT.

Think it, but then DO IT.

Plan it, but then DO IT.

And again, yeah I get it. This all sounds extremely cold. I mean after all shouldn’t the “little bit” matter? What if everybody just did a little something extra and called it good, wouldn’t that be better then nothing? Sure. It’ll be better then nothing, but comparing progress to its complete absence will always make it look good.

The truth is, if you want to make an impact to touch a few lives, make a little difference, you don’t need a book for that, heck you don’t need a blog post for that, you just need half a heart. And it’ll work, you will do some good, and it will matter. However for me half a heart has never been my dream.

I don’t want to see a generation of people who kinda know how to impact. I don’t want to build friendships that kinda understand support. I don’t want pour into close relationships with people that kinda want to change the world. I don’t want a marriage that kinda understands love.

“Kinda” ….will never be my game. I don’t play in the realm of kinda. I’m in or I’m out. We have enough people in the world who will half-ass their way to the top, half-ass their way to impact, and half-ass away their whole life!

People can half-ass life, Heroes don’t it’s that simple.

Step 4: Decide. How much are you willing to build a life on your ACTIONS not your intentions? Remember intentions don’t change the world. 

Congratulations! If you made it here you either hate me or are wondering if there was a Step 3….yes there was. You can find it here.

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Photo Credit 

 

Limitless: A decision that becomes you.

I use to believe that fear was this horrible thing that would take away anything powerful that it could, and steal things it had no right to. I hated fear so much that I would do whatever I was afraid of simply because I resented the thought that anything outside of my control would be able to exercise power in my life. I would see fear and the only thought I had was to conquer. But what do you do when you start to realize that your greatest fear isn’t anything external?

What do you do when your greatest fear isn’t what the world holds, but what’s inside of you?

You can’t run from you. You can’t fight you. You can’t hide from you and you can’t lie to you. You can’t tell yourself to get smaller, because you already have started to see the massive size of your heart. You can’t convince yourself that you’re not strong enough because the drive inside you to win is far too strong. You can’t tell yourself it’s a figment of imagination because your feelings know better. You can’t turn it off. You can’t shut it down. You can’t sleep it off. You can’t conquer enough externally to satisfy the wonder of where your limitless heart will take you. You can do everything you put your mind to but somewhere along the lines you just keep getting bigger and stronger.

 

I was very clear on how to conquer all the fears before me. And then I met me.

 

You see, somewhere along the lines I started this journey to find myself and as I found me I realized what I was capable of, who I could become and the impact I could leave on this world. The more I found of me the more I realized all I wanted was more. I became my own high. I started to find my drive to live a life that mattered. I realized that life is so much bigger then my world. I started to find myself wondering what I could become and what I could accomplish. I was both terrified and thrilled not that I COULD become all I imagined but more so that I WOULD become all I imagined. It wasn’t the possibility of what I could accomplish but rather that I would actually CHOOSE to become that person capable of a huge life.

So what do I do with this newfound fear, when all I’ve done was paint a life that didn’t allow for fear? Let it drive me.

The day I realized that who I was becoming was so powerful that I was starting to fear my own capacity was the day I realized I would never go back. I knew if I was slightly concerned that I might just be big enough for the life I imagined then maybe, just maybe I would live that life. And that, THAT motivated me more then anything ever before.

Its a strangely terrifying thing to say that I’ve already decided regardless what life brings I will choose to outgrow every trial and circumstance. I will choose to allow struggles to prepare me for what’s next. I will choose to come out of pain stronger, come out of overwhelming moments with a greater capacity, and out of every experience learning something. It’s terrifying because I know what I promise myself, I will do. There’s no possible way I won’t succeed. Will there be a battle I may fail? Sure. But I am certain I will always win the war. I am certain that I will defy every limit put on my heart and it’s capacity to love and conquer in this adventure we call life.

People often times say that the world is limitless but the truth is the world is very limited, scientifically speaking there are definite limits. Ask Einstein. What we don’t understand so often is that it’s not the world that’s limitless it’s the hearts of a rare breed of people who choose to not live confined.  These people change lives, they write history and they live huge. They impact hearts, they thrive in all circumstances, and they inspire many others simply because they have become so conditioned to not know any other way. They have trained their hearts to feel that nothing is out of reach. These people are powerful.

These people have realized the only limit they fight is yesterday’s version of who they were. And they know yesterday’s version won’t be big enough for today. #levelup

The biggest tragedy of my life would be to short myself the ability to grow and overcome every trial, struggle, pain, or fear. Because as I overcome the things I thought defined me, I start to realize that my only limit will only ever be me. You can be sure if I won’t let anyone else limit me I sure won’t limit myself! I’ve found the more I defy my own limit the more powerful I become. This feeling of power, as you feel your heart grow is continually one of the most beautiful, satisfying things I’ve ever experienced.

Everyday we are given two choices to look at the size of our struggles or to look at the size of our heart. When we focus on growing our hearts, circumstances shrink, pain starts to heal and we only get bigger.

Limitless. It’s a decision that becomes you.

 

 

 

Impact and Fulfillment.

I had a revelation about 7 months ago. This revelation changed my entire life. I can truly say that I always thought I had a good picture of who I was. ….I thought. Sure, I went through my teenage identity crisis and hit another little spell in my early 20’s finding out who “me” was, however recently what I found was entirely unexpected…this revelation was different.

It all came about when I started to notice that my life was cycling…..like a roundabout, and in circles and circles I was starting to go. No joke, I know we’ve all had these moments where we start to feel like we’ve been here before. I’ve come to learn that these are things I need to pay attention to, because if I’ve been here before I clearly didn’t learn the first time. As of about three months ago I was about to start this round about for the 4th time…

I found myself ready AGAIN to readjust my life because I felt unsatisfied.

Now if you know me, you know that I have zero qualms with change, I actually enjoy it. I’ve moved 16 times, have a fairly extensive resume, and love to travel. In short, I hate monotony. However, there comes a point where you realize that even change won’t solve the problem. The problem wasn’t monotony, the problem wasn’t the job, the problem wasn’t the apartment, the problem was my choices.

I kept trying to build my life on the idea of what it SHOULD look like.

I started to look at my life for the past several years and realized there was a definite pattern, it looked like this:

Step 1: Find something to conquer. Often times this was in the form of career endeavors. After I decided on what to conquer I would make sure I excelled at whatever it was whether it was educational goals, sports or work life.

Step 2: Prove to myself I could conquer it. Truth is, if I didn’t have something to conquer I would get bored, so I would always take up a good chance to conquer. Why not right? If I knew I would make sure I pushed myself until I won, why not play a game I’ll win at. So at this point I would just fight and push and fight some more until my goal was within reach.

Step 3: Right before I reached my ultimate goal, I would walk away. Typically up until this moment I was so caught up in excelling that I wouldn’t realize I didn’t want what I was fighting for anyways. So as I started to see my goal, as it became attainable and as I could “see” myself at the top, I realized I never wanted to go there…..BOOM. That’s where I would walk away.

Step 4: Find something else to conquer. Seeing the pattern?

It took me cycling before I realized this is what I did and in order to break the pattern I had to find what I really wanted to conquer FOR ME. Not because it looked good, sounded right or read great on a resume. What would make me come alive? This was my mission.

I can honestly say, I have started to find it and it has been the most beautiful beginning.

I found that the two most important parts of my heart are IMPACT and FULFILLMENT.

Impact on the lives of those around me, and fulfillment for my heart in doing and living everything I am passionate about.

This revelation caused another massive shift in my life but for once it was in the direction of me, not just something else to win.

So I challenge you. What are you waking up for every day, a good resume, a good promotion, a good reputation, is it for you or is it something that you were told SHOULD be for you? Are you seeing a pattern? Break it. Because no one will have to live in the lack of fulfillment but you.

Caveat. Please know I am not saying that achievements, or career goals are bad, by no means is that the case. (I LOVE achievements, maybe too much.) I’m saying that when we are looking at the story we want to write, we write it best when we can identify with what makes us come alive. DO identify what makes you passionate and fulfilled, and build a life around it if possible. But DON’T build a career, spending your life trying to convince yourself that your career is what makes you passionate if you know it doesn’t.

Time often doesn’t change passion, don’t waste your life trying.