Tag Archives: me

Impact and Fulfillment.

I had a revelation about 7 months ago. This revelation changed my entire life. I can truly say that I always thought I had a good picture of who I was. ….I thought. Sure, I went through my teenage identity crisis and hit another little spell in my early 20’s finding out who “me” was, however recently what I found was entirely unexpected…this revelation was different.

It all came about when I started to notice that my life was cycling…..like a roundabout, and in circles and circles I was starting to go. No joke, I know we’ve all had these moments where we start to feel like we’ve been here before. I’ve come to learn that these are things I need to pay attention to, because if I’ve been here before I clearly didn’t learn the first time. As of about three months ago I was about to start this round about for the 4th time…

I found myself ready AGAIN to readjust my life because I felt unsatisfied.

Now if you know me, you know that I have zero qualms with change, I actually enjoy it. I’ve moved 16 times, have a fairly extensive resume, and love to travel. In short, I hate monotony. However, there comes a point where you realize that even change won’t solve the problem. The problem wasn’t monotony, the problem wasn’t the job, the problem wasn’t the apartment, the problem was my choices.

I kept trying to build my life on the idea of what it SHOULD look like.

I started to look at my life for the past several years and realized there was a definite pattern, it looked like this:

Step 1: Find something to conquer. Often times this was in the form of career endeavors. After I decided on what to conquer I would make sure I excelled at whatever it was whether it was educational goals, sports or work life.

Step 2: Prove to myself I could conquer it. Truth is, if I didn’t have something to conquer I would get bored, so I would always take up a good chance to conquer. Why not right? If I knew I would make sure I pushed myself until I won, why not play a game I’ll win at. So at this point I would just fight and push and fight some more until my goal was within reach.

Step 3: Right before I reached my ultimate goal, I would walk away. Typically up until this moment I was so caught up in excelling that I wouldn’t realize I didn’t want what I was fighting for anyways. So as I started to see my goal, as it became attainable and as I could “see” myself at the top, I realized I never wanted to go there…..BOOM. That’s where I would walk away.

Step 4: Find something else to conquer. Seeing the pattern?

It took me cycling before I realized this is what I did and in order to break the pattern I had to find what I really wanted to conquer FOR ME. Not because it looked good, sounded right or read great on a resume. What would make me come alive? This was my mission.

I can honestly say, I have started to find it and it has been the most beautiful beginning.

I found that the two most important parts of my heart are IMPACT and FULFILLMENT.

Impact on the lives of those around me, and fulfillment for my heart in doing and living everything I am passionate about.

This revelation caused another massive shift in my life but for once it was in the direction of me, not just something else to win.

So I challenge you. What are you waking up for every day, a good resume, a good promotion, a good reputation, is it for you or is it something that you were told SHOULD be for you? Are you seeing a pattern? Break it. Because no one will have to live in the lack of fulfillment but you.

Caveat. Please know I am not saying that achievements, or career goals are bad, by no means is that the case. (I LOVE achievements, maybe too much.) I’m saying that when we are looking at the story we want to write, we write it best when we can identify with what makes us come alive. DO identify what makes you passionate and fulfilled, and build a life around it if possible. But DON’T build a career, spending your life trying to convince yourself that your career is what makes you passionate if you know it doesn’t.

Time often doesn’t change passion, don’t waste your life trying.

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Character is a process. Trust it.

This world does a crazy good job at allowing us all to be whatever we want instantly. I’ll spare the details but let’s be real, you can appear to be anything you want overnight. It’s easy. Create a new avatar. Create a new blog. Change your profile. Instagram a new you. You can be anything you want without any work. But reality check, sometimes good things are a process.

Character is one of those good things in life. It takes commitment, it takes effort and it’s a process.

I always understood that if you work hard you can normally attain what you want. Well let’s rephrase, I understood this when it came to school and jobs….and well every external aspect of life. But what I didn’t understand was that to be a solid person, to be full of love and be who I want to be in life would take a lot of trials. Because here’s the deal: becoming someone of character doesn’t happen overnight its a series of choices that you continually make through life. It’s an ever going process.

Now let’s clear something up, you aren’t working for recognition here, this is kinda a quiet thing…you’ll see the reward later, later like in heaven. Here the reward is knowing that you are being the fullest version of you, and therefore so much like him.

That’s the point of character, its who you are when no one is watching.

Character can be beautiful, but it needs to be tested and grown continually, and that happens often through trials. Trials come and your character is who you are in the trial, the real you. In a way trials are spectacular because they give you the chance to grow.

Facebook doesn’t have a meter for character, instagram doesn’t have a rating system for internal growth levels of love, and that’s the point… character is all your choice. People will indirectly reap the benefit from knowing you but ultimately you are the beneficiary. God will bring the circumstances, but you choose the level of benefit. Will you allow life to grow you and build you to be fuller then yesterday and capable of more love today? Or will you allow your circumstance to make you bitter and angry and secretly hate the world?

Media allows us to be whatever we want, the challenge is to be a person with character behind the profile picture. This is a process. Character is offered throughout life, but you have to choose it. Often times it comes at a cost, it comes as a struggle, choose it. it comes after you prayed that God would “build you”….choose to be built through your trials. Don’t let trials work against you, make them work towards a fuller you.

The catch is to not be frustrated when you have faced a trial feel like your character is solid and then……boom trial no. 2 hits. Trials will come, because there’s always more character to be had.

EVERYTHING is a chance for GROWTH, but that GROWTH only happens by CHOICE.

Trials are a thing, get comfortable. Character is a choice, choose it. Life will offer to grow you, and it is a process. Be patient with you, you’re brilliant. He made you, you were brilliant from birth. You were beautiful before the process, during the process and still beautiful after the process. This isn’t an issue of worth, remember it’s internal. 😉

Lost in love, made to dream, called to be the Hero.

How do I describe a life I want to see, that I haven’t found here, that I haven’t seen in its fullness but that I dream about? How do I attempt to tell you about a beautiful discontentment and have it carry the same weight in words that it carries on my heart?

I tell you that it is one of the most beautiful things to have something inside you grow so big that you want to see it in the world around you so much you ache.  That this…life, it can’t stay inside you any longer, because as crazy as it sounds it just starts to hurt.  It’s an ache for what I’ve dreamed and imagined, and to live in the contrast is difficult, very difficult. But even in the ache its beautiful, because  it’s so full, because it’s worth it, and because its life beyond measure.  Because when I talk about it…the core of me comes alive.

This is what happens in the heart of His dreamer, this is what happens when you think so big, and imagine, and create, and finally….finally know you were made to co-labor with God.  A world is birthed inside of you, and you must create it.  It’s that simple. It was put in you, it was knit into your being, into your personality, and after watching this dream, this world grow inside you, you taste it. You begin to see in your heart what fills you, what touches you….what is you, walking in such fullness.

You see, the heart of a dreamer in love with Him is radical. You begin to see more, to see from a bigger perspective, you start to lose the limits, and get creative, and not allow what seems logical to bind you. You reach a new level of living…and you can’t go back.

This world begins to grow inside you, and while it does you begin to watch as he calls back alive in you, who you are, and you realize you are the hero.  You are the radical. You are the revolutionary. You are the dream in its human form.  It was put in you, so you could draw it out.  You are strong enough, you are brave enough, and you are bold enough….because thats what it will take to make this dream reality, and its why he made you, you.  You dreamt with him, but he alone conditioned you as the hero strong enough to live it out. The hero needed to make this dream reality.

You dreamt with him, He called alive a hero.

You let your heart loose, and He glorified what you imagined.

I am a dreamer, falling in love with Jesus …in our love we dreamed of a world, and then he called me alive and made me the hero needed to create it, told me he will never leave, but gave me authority to begin to walk…to begin to create what we dreamed……TOGETHER.

It’s who I am, and it’s who he is.

…it’s beautiful, and it will be reality.

I am a dreamer lost in love. 

Walking by name.

Something happens when you finally start to remember your name? When you start to realize who he calls you? and who he sees you as?

It’s like you discover a depth you just can’t fill, it’s crazy because as much as I want to fill it. I don’t. Because this moment. This time, is so perfectly beautiful.  It’s a pretty crazy thing to watch as God builds back in you…you.  All so he could just be with you. Because when you didn’t see you, you missed out on a big part of him.  And then he reveals colors all over you, and you begin to start dreaming big, and seeing big, and then you realize. Without holding on to this, without living for this, you will never live life fully.

It’s you and him. And its crazy beautiful.

Its this moment that as much as I am excited for what’s to come, I want to channel this and stuff it in a bottle and cork it, like priceless pixie dust.  It’s a revelation, and intimacy, a depth I never want to see leave, I only want to see it grow. I want to see it explode. Because while he has told me who I am, and what I am…I realize all I want is more.

He calls us by name and he creates in us a dimension I don’t want to be able to describe, but when you start to see it…..it’s crazy. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, because you come alive in a way you can’t describe, in ways where, when I fully let go, it’s gonna look a little out there.  It’s going to be radical, and it’s going to be so…me.

Because the truth is, so much of the restraint I allowed myself to live by, was never who I was.

I’ve started on a road that I don’t want to see stop, I don’t even really want to end up at a destination, because in ending somewhere, it’s like saying I’m full, Ive settled in, I’m content. I don’t want to be content. I want more. I want more of this. All of this.

This identity, this beauty, this radical way of life…the one he always painted for me, it took me loosing myself to find it.  But now that I have, it’s where I’m at, it’s who I am, and where I am going. It’s as simple as that, and yet way more beautiful then words could explain.

Walking by name is a whole huge adventure.  And I know that to live without it…..is to not live. I don’t want to live for just okay, for just enough. I don’t want to be content with okay….I don’t want okay. I wasn’t born for just okay, and neither were you. It was never written in our spirit to live for subpar, that was always our choice.  Well I say no.

I want all of this, and everything more, I don’t want to be satisfied, and I don’t want to be contained. I want everything in me to explode, to let out me and him… It’s a love song, that will come alive in my life.

One radical beautiful adventure….only beginning, and the end isn’t in sight. This is what he wants us to see, he wants us to know who he created so perfectly, and how much he always just wanted to be with us.