Tag Archives: wholeness

“I always thought I was too much, but your box was just too small.” -My Heart.

So here’s to taking a short interval in the writing of the Superhero Chronicles to share my heart… I’ve got my coffee, let’s get real.

I have always been a hugely passionate person. Regardless what it was if I was all in consider it done because I would stop at nothing short of achieving my goal. When I was little it was gathering together friends on the neighborhood street to do backstreet boy concerts in my parents garage, going through grade school I continually made honor roll, then there was getting together seniors to plan our graduation. Paying my way through school, consistently on the dean’s list, then living on my own, working my way up the corporate ladder, and graduating with almost zero debt. So on and so on……

Life has been a world of achievements but if you knew my heart you would know that the greatest achievement hasn’t been any of the above. Because if life has taught me one thing its that the beauty of the heart can’t be written. It’s not about how good we look on paper. And it’s not about the resume we write with our accomplishments.

The beauty of the heart can’t be written.

My greatest achievement has been beginning to live life with 110% of my heart.

Because the truth is accomplishments wouldn’t show you the opposition that I let consume me. My resume wouldn’t show you that most of what I achieved I did while only letting part of my heart into the game.

My achievements, my resume, degrees….do nothing to tell you the story of my heart. And that’s really the only thing that matters. Ironic, huh? The most important part of the puzzle in this picture of life is the one we spend the least amount of time talking about. 

All my accomplishments could’t tell you of the countless nights my heart wondered if it could ever be whole and not be too much. They couldn’t tell you almost every relationship I’ve ever been in has held me back.  They couldn’t tell you of the passion inside me that sought thrills because I couldn’t find true release.  They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve sought adventure because I couldn’t find fulfillment in friendships. They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve been told I was too intense. They couldn’t tell you of the relationships I tried to make work without realizing that I couldn’t ever be wholly me. They couldn’t tell you that I climbed the corporate ladder multiple times because I wanted to find a way to release the drive inside of me….there’s just so much that my accomplishments couldn’t tell you…

You wouldn’t know on paper that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life settling. 

Yep. I’ve settled. I settled for living as less then who I am. All the passion. All the drive. All the intensity. And I’ve still settled. I’ve let life tell me that there was too much inside me and that in order to retain friendships I had to hide some of the intensity, I had to hide a lot of me.

The reality is I never wanted my life to be enough, I always wanted to break walls, push boundaries and test limits. I’ve done this in every area of my life except my heart.

I’ve let my heart be just enough when everything inside me craves limitless. 

So this is a post on my heart and the simple realization that I can’t. Can’t isn’t a word I use often but I can’t.

I can’t continue to be just enough.

No. I will be more. I will break walls. I will test limits. I will build. I will do. I will live. I IMG_0178will love fiercely. I will encourage you so much it’ll scare you how much I believe in you. I will fight for you. I will defend you. I will show you what you’re worth when you can’t see it. I will be unbearably happy. I will level up. I will spend my days loving, living and fighting with more passion then most.

I will be more then enough, I will be too much and I will be wholly me. Because my heart craves 110% and I’ve settled for 7 years too many.

 

 

Step 3: The wholeness of the giver.

“I know enough to help those who cannot help themselves.” -Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman had the whole if “serving is below you then leading is above you” cliche down pat. She got it. She understood. She knew ultimately all that mattered wasn’t what she took away but what she brought to the table. So many times we look at what we are trying to gain, what our need is and we work with that as our focus….us.  What do I need to get done today? What is my goal? What do I need to accomplish for my plan? Not only is this contrary to the goal of living an impactful life, we soon find out that we have endless needs and therefore we can never be truly satisfied.

Bear in mind, I’m not saying goals are bad or you should just frolic about filling every need, everywhere, at every corner. There is a balance. More on this to come in future posts but for now just recognize what I’m saying is that there has to be a focus external of you to feel truly fulfilled. I’ve found in my own life that as long as I focus on what I will end up “taking away” from a given relationship, friendship, network, community….(and so on) I almost always come up short. More often then not I feel most fulfilled when I realize what I can BRING to the table and act from that.

What can I do to help? What skills do I have that would benefit others? What can I do to help solve the problem? How can I positively impact their life? What can I GIVE?

Suddenly, my entire perspective shifts from what I need to what I already have. There’s some psychological reason this happens I’m sure but granted I’m not a psychology major I can just say that you feel a lot more WHOLE.

 

And from this WHOLENESS so much becomes possible. Its strange to say but you actually learn about who you are because you start to realize that you have a lot to offer. After all, to give something you must first have it, right? And when giving becomes your focus there’s less time to focus on what you lack or need. Perspective is everything. In changing your mindset from one of “I need ________” to “I have _________”, you remind yourself continually that you HAVE not that you NEED. And in turn, you quite literally start to realize you are pretty whole on your own because you’ve taught yourself that there’s a lot inside you, rather than there’s a lot to fill.

If I truly want to impact the lives of those around me, it’s imperative that I come at it with a perspective of giving from wholeness. Otherwise, I will always come up short, unfulfilled and frustrated. After all impacting others isn’t about my needs, its about how I can positively leave a mark on someone else’s life. It’s not about what I gain it’s about what I give. This requires me to be pretty dang selfless, and let’s be honest that’s not easy nor do I always win that battle. To even start to impact others I must first realize that I have something to offer, and when I give it that there’s more where it came from. What I have to give becomes my power. Take it from Wonder Woman, even if you have no idea where to start “know enough to give to those who cannot give to themselves”. Trust me, lasting impact is impossible without the ability to continually be the giver.

Alright now to put all this into action…..

STEP 3: Make another list separate from the list you made for Step 1 & 2. In this new list write down all the ways you can impact with traits and talents you already possess. Ask yourself, “what do I have to give?”.

Feel free to check out the other posts from this series on building a life of impact, The Superhero Chronicles Step 1, and Step 2! More to come!

 

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