So here I am candles lit, eating a chocolate chip cookie, sitting here wanting to pour out what my heart feels. Because as beautiful as this moment is its nothing compared to what I feel inside.
There’s a ocean awaiting and I want it. I see it. It’s deep, but it’s real, it’s raw and its perfect. Because everything it contains is everything that was written inside me before time. It’s an ocean of intimacy, an ocean of overflowing, and an ocean of limitless proportions.
Here’s the crazy thing about my world. I’m full, always will be, but the deeper we go into this ocean, the fuller we get. How can I get any more full if I already am full? Well as the depth grows in you, you expand, and there’s more room for this ocean to flow, and since I always am full by nature, as the depth grows I JUST. GET. MORE. It happens simultaneously, because I can’t lack, so therefore any space in me must be filled exactly as its made, the only way this works is if what’s creating the depth and expansion in me is the same thing thats filling me.
And as the more grows, I. JUST. WANT. MORE. It’s the most perfect addiction this world has ever known. Because the deeper I go, the more I expand inside; the more I expand, the more I get; the more I get the more I want….and so deeper again I go.
It’s the most beautiful cycle with fullness, identity and everything I am, but this ocean starts with this…
His desire towards me.
This is an ocean beginning with his affections for me. This is an ocean of the beloved and the bride. This is an ocean of love, of our love together. It begins with the beloved to the bride, and that calls me in.
But in his love, I love. It’s only natural, but oh is it passionate.
And when my heart goes into the depths of this sea, the more I am wrecked, the more I am free, the more I become me. I am the person who lives from these waters but what happens in these waters is perfect. It’s us. It’s him. It’s me. It’s his desire for me, and mine toward him, it’s my desire to find me, and I see myself in him.
His desire. My desire. Our desire. As desires are met something explodes.
Something beautiful and perfect, wonderful and complete, and it keeps me aching for more. More of me, more of him, more of this perfection. Yes, this ocean is my perfect addiction. Because everything in it, from it and through it is beautiful, but even more….It’s home.