Tag Archives: Life

I’m Not Who You Think I Am: 6 Real Things About My Heart.

There are so many times where I wish that we would choose to see hearts instead of personas or stereotypes. I wish that we would take the time to get past our own frustrations and hurts and look objectively at what people are trying to say rather than assume that we already know them and their intent. I say this not because I always choose to (there are days I most definitely fail), but I say this because I think it holds true regardless if we choose to be strong enough to listen. I think what I am really getting at is that as of this past year there are so many moments that I wish I could speak and people would actually listen to my heart.

This is my attempt at speaking from my heart, and hoping that anyone reading will listen rather than judge or stereotype who you think I am.

Because until you know who I am before coffee or after I’ve had to “people” all day, you really don’t know me.

Now I could go into some “I Am” speech to tell you all about me but instead here’s the world through my eyes as of recent….

“We live in a world where everyone wants to be known and they want to be fulfilled but the reality is we have done a very poor job at being a safe culture where others can be authentic. I hold the church accountable for this. Now, if you are not a christian, I just used the word church, so you might be on guard (which I get). Oh but if you are a Christian, I just used the word accountable, so you are probably on guard too. No matter which way you paint this scenario once “church” comes into the equation, my personal history shows that people stop listening to my heart.

The Christians stop listening because they are already offended. The world stops listening because they were offended by the Christians. 

Now, hold for one moment and remember that I started this post by asking you to listen to my heart. So please, listen.

What you don’t know about me #1: If I didn’t know God apart from the church, I would be an atheist. 

I understand the pain that the church has caused people more than most people will ever know. In fact every big point in my life where I have been hurt has come from the church. I understand being offended by the word “Church” because to be honest sometimes, I am too.

The church has been the source of so much pain for me, SO much pain. When people talk about a dislike to “Church Goers” the sad part is that I can’t argue with them because I see what they see.  And in effort to be completely honest, I would be an atheist right now if who I know God to be was dependent on the insulting attempt of the church to portray him.

I can’t support what the church is doing. I simply won’t. I see hypocrisy. I see fake. I see unaccountable people who hurt others and don’t fix it. I see broken people trying to convince the world they are whole. I see people causing ruin to relationships around them and leaving shambles of hearts calling themselves “Christians”.

What you don’t know about me #2: I have a very big problem with how the church handles hearts. 

If you are a Christian, congratulations on making it this far in this post. My guess is you are either pretty frustrated with me and thinking of the best reply to remind me of “who the church is” or you are actually trying to see my heart. If it is the latter, than thank you.

You see, what I want more than anything is to be able to talk to the hearts that the church has hurt. I want to be given a moment where I can talk of God and not have someone tie me to some church, which is responsible for some wound, somewhere on their heart.

What you don’t know about me #3: I see God apart from the church. 

When I said that almost every big pain I’ve gone through in life was due to the church, I meant it. It shouldn’t be that way. And the bigger problem is that every attempt I’ve made to bring it up to the church, has gone unvalidated. I would understand this response if it was just my pain and my heart. But I’ve seen so many people hurt by the church that I know it’s not specific to my heart. This is where I get caught. This is the church. THE CHURCH, which is supposed to represent God to the world and they are massively failing.

What you don’t know about me #4: I don’t see people helped by the Church, I see them broken by it. 

This is a problem. Because the God I know doesn’t break people, yet his church does. I’m not asking you to look at some attendance count on Sunday morning, I’m asking you if the church is building people that will last. Is the church building people that are strong? Is the church building people who know who they are? Is the church building people of character? Is the church creating a culture of love? Because if they did I can promise you the the “church death toll” would be lower.

What you don’t know about me #5: I would love to be able to say that I believe in God and love him without those who have been hurt by the church looking at me like I am absolutely insane because to them he is the church. 

So if you listen to any part of my heart, let it be this. God is not the failing church. I don’t know how to really portray this or say it and know anyone will listen, but I know that if I don’t say it, it will never get the chance to be heard. And if its never heard then the world will go on, being hurt like I’ve been without knowing that the church isn’t God. God isn’t pain. God isn’t the wounds the church has caused. God isn’t divisive. God isn’t rejection. God isn’t full of slander. God isn’t prideful. God doesn’t cause you to doubt your value. God doesn’t cause you to doubt your worth. God isn’t what the church has become and for what it’s become, I’m sorry.

What you don’t know about me #6: I wish I could talk to every heart the church has hurt because than maybe I could show them the God who healed me. 

I have been drunk, high and reckless trying to numb the hurt by those who came with the title “Christian”, I have tried coping with the pain the church caused my heart and I’ve tried masking it. Nothing worked. Everything I tried was a temporary fix, until I remembered the God I knew before….before the failing church of today.

So I leave you with this, I’m not hiding my pain or my healing or pretend that the behavior of the church or “Christians” is okay–It’s not. Its a very big problem and one that the church needs to address. My story is one I will share, because the world needs to know that God isn’t in the people who fail to represent him.”



Don’t listen don’t grow, it’s that simple.

Most of us are all great talkers. Just look at social media, we can talk all day about ourselves, it’s just fantastic right? Who doesn’t love to go online and read all about someone else’s perceived amazing life? Clearly no one, because in return we just talk about more about ourselves. And on and on we go, back and forth, post after post, picture after picture about ourselves.

Now let’s be clear I have zero qualms with self-confidence however when I scroll through Facebook I begin to wonder, do we ever stop to take something in? Or is it all about what we can show the world?

I was reading a research paper earlier (“Effects of Business Embedded & Traditional Training Models on Motivation”)* on the purpose of training and it stated, “Companies learn when their people do.” This struck me. We live in an era of time where we are all about development. Most companies are concerned with how quickly they can advance and most individuals are concerned with what they have to offer to the world and how quickly they can grow. We have the right intent however we talk an awful lot about ourselves for being a generation that professes that they want to grow.

I say this because growing requires us to listen. How are we supposed to grow if we continually talk about what we already know? How perfect our lives appear? Or what a great “selfie” we just took? This is what fills social media and it’s no secret that social media fills our lives. Since this is the case we are obviously all as perfect as our profiles right? (Clearly not, but I think you get my point.)

We need to become a generation that can talk less and listen more. But instead we take offense to anyone who poses some opinion that might mess with our perfect profile or filtered “insta”. We are horrible listeners and we are great at being offended. If we intend to be a people that wants to build a better tomorrow (or better anything really) we must learn when to talk and when to NOT talk but listen.

Listen… when it’s not what you believe. 

Listen… when it’s not your opinion. 

Listen… when it hurts your pride. 

Listen… when it hurts your heart. 

As a generation we have this immediate need to express why we believe we are correct in our belief or actions. However what we don’t realize is that sometimes there are multiple ways you can be correct and when there is only one way, well for the truth there is no substitute. And it really doesn’t need defending or protecting. It’s not something someone can corrupt that’s why it’s the truth. That’s what makes the truth so perfect, you can’t change it, it’s incorruptible and not subject to opinion. So then we shouldn’t be afraid to test it by listening right?

If you are determined to grow then you will take in many opportunities to stop and listen, not because you agree with what is being said but because you are willing to be uncomfortable in order to test your truths. You see, if it’s true, then it cannot be altered and it will prevail any offense. If it’s not then you have found an area to develop. Either way, you win when you listen.

Maybe we can become a generation that talks less about ourselves and instead listens to test our truths. Imagine what we could do if we applied as much effort to finding areas of growth as we do to posting the best “selfie”.

What a generation we would be if we were who we pretended to be on social media.



*Journal of Economics and Behavioral Studies Vol. 2, No. 5, pp. 236-244, May 2011

Step 9: Thriving in the Battles

     I have tried multiple poetic ways to start this post, they have all failed. Let’s just be blunt and real about it:
     When you make the decision to live a huge life, value the impact you leave, and constantly strive to level up, life will often be difficult.
     This is not because you’ve done anything wrong. Actually it’s the opposite, you’re  battling the whole status quo for all of time in the history of EVER. Most people settle, we’ve discussed this so I won’t kill it again here with the whole “most people want an easy button, glad you chose the Game of Thrones” route to life. So let’s just say you chose the right path young Padawan.
Okay so in all seriousness.
     Here’s how I see it. I chose the hardest route possible when I decided that my life needed to be lived for something more. That everything we’ve talked about this far in these posts had to occur. That BIG was possible. That IMPACT was possible. That living a HUGE life was possible. This decision to live for something bigger then me was my personal turning point. From here on out, I would never end up choosing the easy way. Even if I wanted to, at this point…my heart simply wouldn’t let me.
     As life goes on I constantly realize that the grass is often not greener on the other side, and no that’s not because I failed to water it. When you choose to live a life bigger then you, you are constantly pushing yourself to higher levels. This creates a continual battle. Occasionally there are moments of reprieve where you stand at the top of the mountain you are conquering and take in the view but then you notice another mountain, a bigger, greater, more thrilling mountain…
And so the story goes and off to another mountain you go conquer.
     And as long as you “stop to smell the roses” and take in the moments, this is a win. You’re conquering, you’re growing, you’re impacting.
     However, there will come a point where you exhaust yourself, where the battle is tiring, and quitting has never looked clearer. I’m still in the process of finding the best way to make it through these moments, but I’ve semi-nailed it down to a few key points.
      1. Constantly remind yourself of what’s at the top. Is it a promise your waiting on? Is it an achievement your fighting for that will change your life? Is it other people who will finally get to share in your victory? Whatever it is. Hold to what is at the top of your mountain. It’s important to not wait until you are totally exhausted to do this, trust me. It’s a lot harder to remember the simple reason that made you start to climb this mountain you may be resenting. 
      2. Avoid Naysayers. People love to start talking when you start complaining. As soon as you hit that “What have I done? This is stupid why should I care moment?” somehow those who didn’t support your mountain trek have ALL the reasons why you should have stayed home, on your couch….being comfortable. In these moments be VERY careful who you listen to. Remember most people want easy. And let’s be honest, if there’s an easy way normally it would be logical to take it. Maybe the easy way would have cost you character, maybe the easy way would have left less impact, maybe the easy way would have been through a lush trail down a beautiful hillside, not up this massive mountain with rocks, debris and a steep incline. Sure, there was easy. But you didn’t choose easy for a reason. Don’t let those who don’t have your heart, didn’t make it’s decision, and aren’t wanting a massive life to cause you to question your mountain. You made the decision climb because the victory would be worth the building of character to get to the top. 
      3. Hang out with other climbers. Here’s my number one point of advice (ironically placed in no. 3) If you are around people who aren’t going where you want to go. Go where you want to go without them. I have found that you normally need to start this journey alone before you find others who want to tag along or climb beside you. Alone is sometimes good, find you first, solidify what you want, and find a mountain to conquer. Trust me, there are other climbers out there…. and you will find them.


     4. Be careful who you let in to the close parts of your heart. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The only people I let into my inner circle are people who want more out of life. If you are interested in settling, that’s totally cool, I love you, I care about you….all that stuff and you can be my friend without a problem. But my heart, the depths of me, to know that is reserved for those who are also going to remind me why I’m fighting. Bear in mind there is a whole lotta me to know outside the depths of my heart so there’s lots for those who aren’t interested in leveling up, but the heart zone is by invitation only. I need to know that when my life gets whacky and I need someone to remind me of the whys behind my choice that those in my inner circle will step up.

     5. Don’t quit. This one is simple. Decide now. Just don’t quit. Whatever the battle,  whatever the mountain, whatever the terrain. There is some reason you decided to embark on this challenge. Don’t quit. You will make it. You will win. And when you do it will be epic.

     Sometimes I think we try to look for this perfect life, where we do all the things that we love, we thrive and we are never uncomfortable. That’s not life. And it’s not something I want. I love to fight because I love to win. I love who I become. I love the feeling of reaching a climax. I love growing. I love watching others grow. I love what happens when we are uncomfortable and we embrace it. There is so much to be had in life if we can make it through the seasons that require us to armor up and battle on.
     There is a whole world waiting for impact, wanting growth, and desiring to level up. How will we ever reach them if we quit half-way up our own mountains?
     Heroes aren’t born, they are built. Let your days of struggle motivate you, let it challenge you, let it push you to push harder then ever before. Remember the victory happened at your decision to live heroically, now you just need to walk it out. Battles are an opportunity for victory.
Step 9: Pay attention to how you prepare for rough days. Often times this is where I think most people’s plan to succeed fails. They are ready for the victory, but victory over anything always costs something! You can have the best plan for how to achieve your goal but you must calculate in the cost of the days that will just be trials and pain. If you aren’t ready for those days where victory just seems to be a distant dream then you will fall and possibly not get back up. You have to do more then plan to not quit; you must have a purpose for the struggle clearly outlined in your mind or the struggle will overtake you. It’s much easier said then done but plan, make a plan for the days that will suck. I promise you they will come, and if you don’t plan to overcome them, you will be weakened. The most successful plans aren’t those that plan for victory, the most successful plans are those that plan for the struggle. 
If you would like to read the prior Superhero Chronicles post you can find it here!

Step 5: Legacy offers no second chances.

“A great legacy is the teacher of time for how to continue to live.” 

-The Superhero Chronicles

So far we’ve discussed quite a bit on how to live a life of impact. However, let’s just be blunt about it all. Impact isn’t easy. Impact isn’t for the weak. It’s selfness, it’s about others, it’s often inconvenient, and often you get zero recognition. It’s sometimes totally not what you enjoy doing, what you want to take the time to do or what seems logical in a world that promotes the self-serving attitude. Yes, impact is hard but impact leaves a legacy. And in short a good legacy is EPIC.

You see, people may not say thank you immediately. People may not tell you how much of a difference you made in their life. People may never tell you. But almost always people WILL tell someone OF you. 

I probably don’t need to point out that true impact, big impact, massive impact is hard but it leaves a legacy. Because for every action you take that someone else can share, it inspires. For every challenge that you help someone else overcome, it builds. For every moment that you take to change the world around you, it impacts. Maybe not right now, maybe not today, but someday…..

Part of the problem with the generation we have built is that most people don’t choose to define a successful life in part by what legacy they will leave behind. More often success is measured by their income bracket, the square footage of their home, how many investments they have or whether or not their child made honor roll. Now, bear in mind all of these ambitions are good but I’d ask….do they really matter? Are they the whole picture of who they were?

At the end of your life are you going to care how big your house was, how many stocks you had or how many degrees were on your wall? Maybe? If so, no biggie, I mean hey it’s your life. But did you leave anyone to talk about you? Are there hearts that are going to be saying “so and so made a huge difference in my success” or “so and so changed my entire life by taking time to invest in me”? When it’s all said and done the achievements are only a small fraction of the legacy you leave behind.

Achievements don’t talk nearly as loud as people.

When we talk about impact we have to realize that impact isn’t limited. Impact doesn’t just last for today. Impact is never just about THIS moment or THAT moment or THAT action. Impact is about something that is going carry through the entire legacy of you. Who you are now, who you are tomorrow, and who you are when you are gone.

We need more people who are willing to measure their success by the legacy they are building….

Legacy is talked about for generations.

Legacy is that story told over and over.

Legacy is the teacher of time for how to continue to live.

Legacy is powerful.

You see a great legacy is built by impact and impact is continued through legacy. So it’s not about making a name for you, its about being the type of person who’s very name still impacts generations long after they can’t.

Say what? Yup. It’s like the superhero, after death, life. No marvel comic talks about it. It’s humanity for the win.

So is impact hard? Heck to the yes, impact is so hard, and as we discuss it further we will find that we really just need to get over it. Because it is. It’s not easy, it costs a lot and it takes a ton of effort…. that’s why people don’t leave lives of massive impact. People live, they make a difference in their friends and family and they die. That’s not enough for me. I want to impact generations. I want to impact a good portion of the 7 billion people who exist. I want my legacy to impact long after I’m gone.

Impact is hard. But I want it. All of it. With every ounce of potential it carries.

So if you want massive impact, you have to go into it knowing that you can’t afford to not care about what you are leaving behind. Your success is largely in part measured by the lives of those you have made a difference in. Your legacy HAS to matter to you. It is the most powerful thing you will leave behind. It’s the only intangible thing you will leave that you build everyday you are alive. Here, right now, in this moment you are building legacy. What you do with this moment defines how you will impact generations to come.

Don’t waste it. Legacy offers no second chances.

Step 5: This is going to sound like the strangest thing but I swear it is one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. Write your Eulogy. Then use this as a reflection tool to keep yourself focused on why daily impact matters. 


If you would like to check out the previous Superhero Chronicles post you can find it here!


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“I always thought I was too much, but your box was just too small.” -My Heart.

So here’s to taking a short interval in the writing of the Superhero Chronicles to share my heart… I’ve got my coffee, let’s get real.

I have always been a hugely passionate person. Regardless what it was if I was all in consider it done because I would stop at nothing short of achieving my goal. When I was little it was gathering together friends on the neighborhood street to do backstreet boy concerts in my parents garage, going through grade school I continually made honor roll, then there was getting together seniors to plan our graduation. Paying my way through school, consistently on the dean’s list, then living on my own, working my way up the corporate ladder, and graduating with almost zero debt. So on and so on……

Life has been a world of achievements but if you knew my heart you would know that the greatest achievement hasn’t been any of the above. Because if life has taught me one thing its that the beauty of the heart can’t be written. It’s not about how good we look on paper. And it’s not about the resume we write with our accomplishments.

The beauty of the heart can’t be written.

My greatest achievement has been beginning to live life with 110% of my heart.

Because the truth is accomplishments wouldn’t show you the opposition that I let consume me. My resume wouldn’t show you that most of what I achieved I did while only letting part of my heart into the game.

My achievements, my resume, degrees….do nothing to tell you the story of my heart. And that’s really the only thing that matters. Ironic, huh? The most important part of the puzzle in this picture of life is the one we spend the least amount of time talking about. 

All my accomplishments could’t tell you of the countless nights my heart wondered if it could ever be whole and not be too much. They couldn’t tell you almost every relationship I’ve ever been in has held me back.  They couldn’t tell you of the passion inside me that sought thrills because I couldn’t find true release.  They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve sought adventure because I couldn’t find fulfillment in friendships. They couldn’t tell you of the amount of times I’ve been told I was too intense. They couldn’t tell you of the relationships I tried to make work without realizing that I couldn’t ever be wholly me. They couldn’t tell you that I climbed the corporate ladder multiple times because I wanted to find a way to release the drive inside of me….there’s just so much that my accomplishments couldn’t tell you…

You wouldn’t know on paper that I’ve spent the last 7 years of my life settling. 

Yep. I’ve settled. I settled for living as less then who I am. All the passion. All the drive. All the intensity. And I’ve still settled. I’ve let life tell me that there was too much inside me and that in order to retain friendships I had to hide some of the intensity, I had to hide a lot of me.

The reality is I never wanted my life to be enough, I always wanted to break walls, push boundaries and test limits. I’ve done this in every area of my life except my heart.

I’ve let my heart be just enough when everything inside me craves limitless. 

So this is a post on my heart and the simple realization that I can’t. Can’t isn’t a word I use often but I can’t.

I can’t continue to be just enough.

No. I will be more. I will break walls. I will test limits. I will build. I will do. I will live. I IMG_0178will love fiercely. I will encourage you so much it’ll scare you how much I believe in you. I will fight for you. I will defend you. I will show you what you’re worth when you can’t see it. I will be unbearably happy. I will level up. I will spend my days loving, living and fighting with more passion then most.

I will be more then enough, I will be too much and I will be wholly me. Because my heart craves 110% and I’ve settled for 7 years too many.



Step 4: Heroes don’t “half-ass” it.

“It’s not who we are underneath, it’s what we do that defines us.” -Batman

Alright so let this post come with fair warning that it’s not cozy, coated in candy or seasoned with a massive amount of the “We’re all winners” mentality. So get ready because this post is pretty dang true to me and very close to my heart…

I’d love to think people have good intentions….I’d love to believe that every co-worker I work with truly wants to support each other, I’d love to believe that people want to be more encouraging and less jerk-ish, I would love to believe that we all want to make the world a better place just by being in it….but intentions don’t matter until they are supported by actions.

When it comes to impact, it really makes no difference what we intend to do. There are so many people who intend to change the world, do something big, create something to help thousands, build a massive empire to solve world hunger…..You name it and someone has dreamed it.

But I can promise you not everyone has done it.

Dreaming is one thing, and its very powerful. But dreams and thoughts that never turn into action are just really good feelings. At some point you have to draw the line between what someone intended to do or thought about doing and what they actually accomplished. This sounds cold, I know it does. And I really did try to think of a better way to say it but I just can’t, because the truth is that this is too important to candy coat.

We live in a world that’s taught us that we can become whatever we desire, that all we need is to dream it. They are wrong. If we truly want to make an impact we need to become the doers. We can read a million books on how to change the world but none of them will matter until we decide it’s worth it enough to make it an action. I could write a million posts on impact but without action they are just some super motivational words. You could watch a million talks on leadership but if you don’t want to change, if you don’t want to become the person it takes…..why bother?

Dream it, but then DO IT.

Think it, but then DO IT.

Plan it, but then DO IT.

And again, yeah I get it. This all sounds extremely cold. I mean after all shouldn’t the “little bit” matter? What if everybody just did a little something extra and called it good, wouldn’t that be better then nothing? Sure. It’ll be better then nothing, but comparing progress to its complete absence will always make it look good.

The truth is, if you want to make an impact to touch a few lives, make a little difference, you don’t need a book for that, heck you don’t need a blog post for that, you just need half a heart. And it’ll work, you will do some good, and it will matter. However for me half a heart has never been my dream.

I don’t want to see a generation of people who kinda know how to impact. I don’t want to build friendships that kinda understand support. I don’t want pour into close relationships with people that kinda want to change the world. I don’t want a marriage that kinda understands love.

“Kinda” ….will never be my game. I don’t play in the realm of kinda. I’m in or I’m out. We have enough people in the world who will half-ass their way to the top, half-ass their way to impact, and half-ass away their whole life!

People can half-ass life, Heroes don’t it’s that simple.

Step 4: Decide. How much are you willing to build a life on your ACTIONS not your intentions? Remember intentions don’t change the world. 

Congratulations! If you made it here you either hate me or are wondering if there was a Step 3….yes there was. You can find it here.

Tweet. Share. Message me if you want to chat more!

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Step 1: You are never too old to wear your cape.

Were you that kid in the Batman cape? Were you the princess with the fairy wand? Maybe you were the little boy with the firefighter hat….or were you like me and had magic glitter dust that you used sparingly and only for “special”, really “needed” things to happen? We all had something as a kid that defined our invincibility….and we thrived in the moments we embraced it. We threw ourselves around the house soaring in our capes, or we threw glitter dust on our little sister and told her she could fly if she jumped of the swings. Most of us had that moment where we felt completely powerful….

The tragedy is that as we grow up somehow we forget this feeling we had where we could conquer anything. You see it was never the cape that made Batman, it wasn’t the fairy wand that made the princess, and it wasn’t my glitter dust that made me feel like I could conquer the world…..it was the fact that I believed in who I was.

Did you catch that? It wasn’t what we wore, it wasn’t what we held….it was a belief in who we were that made us powerful. 

Our ability to impact the world around us is first determined by our belief that we are capable of greatness. If we believe that in our maturity we lost our right to be capable of the same impact as the heroes we admired as a kid then we already lost the battle.

Yes, I am telling you that if you don’t believe you are capable of massive impact then why bother trying? You’ve already told yourself what will happen. In simple terms, your thoughts have already determined the outcome. You can’t expect to live out massive impact if you don’t believe you are capable of it first. So stop, and change your belief now.


…I’ll wait. Be sure you believe you are capable of the outcome you desire to have in your life.


Really…… it’s okay to stop believing in Santa Claus…… but it’s not okay to not believe in you.


No but really…


Okay….now read on.


We are never told old to pick back up the cape and remember the kid who once wore it. You see the first step to winning the battle of living an impactful life is to believe you can. It’s really that simple. Belief is a decision that is characterized by action. So start by believing that you are capable of greatness. And watch as you become capable.

So who do you believe you are?

STEP 1: Make a list of everything you believe you are and circle any or all portions that are characteristic of superheroes. 

Now, don’t be discouraged if this list doesn’t look like the heroic kid who wore the cape. It’s all okay. The next post will talk about who that kid is, where he or she went and how to get them back. Check out the prior Superhero Chronicles before this as well!


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